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This writing below was written #5for5BrainDump style which means - it was free flow writing no editing or forethought beyond finding this quote and starting to write. I'm Julie Jordan Scott and I host a Community Writing Experience (via Livestreaming on Facebook and Periscope) where we write together for 5 minutes for 5 consecutive days. You may try it at any time or see when our next session is but for now - discover the power of Michelangelo and this very shoe you see above.
"What spirit is so empty and blind, that it cannot recognize the fact that the foot is more noble than the shoe, and skin more beautiful than the garment with which it is clothed?”
I am going to give myself the gift of five minutes to write about something that has had power over me for as long as I can remember and I’m sure as a tiny girl the force of it was stronger than even it is now, so I will just come out and say….
My feelings still get hurt when other people criticize my appearance or if I fall into the comparison trap of “She looks better than me so….”
The thing is, I have never considered myself attractive. I will openly say things about not being conventionally attractive (please don’t leap in to debate me here). I look how I look. I will never be a size 2 or 4 glamorous woman who wears clothes like a hanger wears clothes. I will never have perfect, unlined skin.
Especially not now.
I know all of these things yet a few years ago when someone who decided to attack me did so about my appearance I was slayed for days.
Literally cried off and on. For days.
Does this mean I’m shallow? Will never be a success?
I love that performance poem about “pretty” on YouTube. If I can find it I will link it here – otherwise google it – great stuff – I actually get angry and alternatively hurt if people compliment my appearance because I don’t believe or trust in them anymore.
I have a mirror, I know how I look. I know it isn’t pleasing.
And if I could just get over this fact, I would perhaps be happier.
My five minutes are up. I can go write about what matters now.
My guess is there are other women I find quite attractive who feel the way I do about their own appearance. Ironically, I would probably label them beyond ordinary pretty and instead see their pure beauty.
Healing, continue. The next time I start to cry, self, remind me of this. Please.
Julie Jordan Scott
is the founder and creator of 5For5BrainDump. She has been inspiring artistic rebirth since 1999.